Constant anxiety & butterflies. Yes, they are <i>thee</i> butterflies. I could not have be able to tell you what they were before. I know now. When I say always, I really mean it. I always always always find it hard to stop smiling in your presence. I never thought this would happen, I was in complete utter melancholy & doubt.Alas, it had happened. You, my love, have done the impossible. No one could ever have done that, & you actually did. You're the best of both worlds, not even both worlds, all worlds. All the worlds that do & do not exist. The ones in my mind, my heart, & all the ones surrounding me. Each & every particle I seize, even the most obscurely microscopic amount of air is brightening my day. Every single thing imaginable makes me in this overemotional intertwinement of awe & bliss. It all means so much to me because I can share it all with you. Even if you're not here, I might not be able to share it, but it all makes me thinking of you. This feeling cannot exist, but I dare refuse to be in denial much longer. Oh what joy & relief it would bring to my soul, just to tell you everything. To tell you how much you mean to me. To tell you how much you amaze me. To tell you how much it means to me just when you smile. Your smile makes my anxiety even worse. When you put your hand in mine I feel like I'm about to combust with all the butterflies breeding so profusing within me. I find myself thinking often, wondering if this is just some long dream that is too good to be true. Every second that passes I long for you to be in my presence. I long for you to speak your words of such intoxicatingly euphonic sound. Your mind, your mind, your mind. It is the most amazing thing I have ever encountered. From the first conversation to the most recent, I still find myself grinning like a total idiot. You make me smile so much my face actually begins to hurt after awhile. A doctor might diagnose me with some sort of strange stupid obsession, but this. This. This. This is love. A love, you, which is so contagious I hope I will never be cured. No medicene or therapy in the world could stop my from feeling this way. A way so sickly sweet I even tend to bite my lips trying to ignore the taste. You are everything. You were everything. You will be everything. Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. Always. Its that simple, an equation even I can solve. Trust me, I'm not math matician, but this, my love, is just merely adding. You & me. An equivalence I could never get completely accurate, the amount of love is too large for me to calculate. I might not be able to give you an exact solution, but indeed it is well to round it to about infinity. Yes, that is a prefect equivalence...

It's been awhile...a longgg while.

What's this world coming to..seriously.

anywho, huge writes blog with a combination or laziness & procrastination.


my badddd.

good news, 4 week chemo break. which is awesome. I have a job. Finally. & my permit. Finally. Soooo I guess I have to start to get back into the swing of things...damn.


oh yeah & pshhh forget about daily rants. my creativeness died lol.


well, it will come back soon.

more illusions to come.