Woot! About freaking time I've made my 10th one. I've been sooo lazy with this. I have crazy inspiration right now, I can feel it pumping through my veins. Well, not literally. Anywho, here goes.
I don't even know where to start. It's insane. Are all of these just a variety of strange & unexpected coincidences? I have no clue. I know everything & nothing as of now. I am making all, but no sense whatsoever. However, I am as calm as can be, yet filled with anxiety everytime I get a reply. Or everything I think there is a reply. I haven't felt like this in so long, Or well maybe I've never felt it at all. No, I have only felt this over only one other thing. That's all. Surprisingly that other thing after all these years is just a big box of old & faded memories I don't even think I can fawn over any longer.
This is the feeling of something new, something familiar, something that is so rare at the same time. You have no idea-actually, I think this special something can read my mind with all this. It's really not even worth my being so frantic about it all, since it probably knows what I'm thinking. You're wondering what this it & something is; you'll never know. Unless of course, you are that something.
Doubt you are that, but then yet that certain something always seems to really take notice on a lot of things people usually don't even see at all. The eyes this person beholds can see right through me, & it's great. I never thought anyone could do this, I thought it wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to end up thinking like this. I did everything I could just to block it all, but the force that this someone, that is definitely not a thing at all can just crash right through it. Maybe it's something to help me. Maybe things are supposed to be planned this way.
I doubt this person is human, it just, it just cant be possible. I'm not crazy, I'm metaphorical. Well, this someone knows that. Why am I even typing this? I can't be thinking this way. This is what I used to pray for, for years. Then I doubted everything & lost hope. Then I became confused & became something I never thought I could become. But now, things are so different. What one day, one moment, it all can change. For better or for worse. This might just be for the better, but I feel like it will end much worse than the pessimistic predictions I've hypothesized.
I'm freezing cold, but so warm it doesn't even matter to me. I'm no longer on the greyscale. The colors are coming back. I never thought this would happen, it's unbelievable. I liked how I was earlier & I honestly didn't mind staying that way. Living on a false hope I was born to use, but now everything is going in the complete opposite direction of what I had planned it on being like.
I was never the type of person to be like this, what is going on? I always expected the unexpected, but not the optimistic parts. Always, always, always, always lived in my own dreams. Every song I listened to I had dreamt to myself of the meaning of that & what a swell feeling it would be. I lsitened to them all today & I felt those exact feelings at that exact moment. I had grown accustomed & was finally okay with accepting the role I thought I was born to play. I now have just found out, there's a sequel to this play I star in, Ive never read this script. All I've ever done was read my script & memorize & go by the way I thought things would be, how I thought I knew for sure it was going to be. For once I can safely say something without having to think it over several times.
I tried to be logical, logics are starting to mean so much less to me right now. That part of me is telling me I'm a total idiot & I need to go back over the script & go with things the way they were meant to be portrayed as.
I don't have to anymore, I don't have to at all. I can live a life of improv more satisfied than ever before.
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